I am about to make an embarrassing confession that is painful and very personal. I'm not sure why I'm doing this on my very public blog with I'm sure tens of eyes staring balefully at my words, but this project requires that I write every day, being a diary and all, so here goes. A personal confession to the world.
I have not had sex in ten years. Not sure exactly how that happens to a person who's not asexual and not me, but most of it is due to being painfully shy.
I'm sure those of you who read my first post are wondering how I've not done the deed in so long if I had a girlfriend less than two years ago. She was saving herself for marriage. I thought she was saving herself for me. Sadly, that is not the case.
I'm not sure I am still capable of sex. I mean I know the basic mechanics, but my first thoughts are always fear. What if I'm bad in bed? What if I never get another chance? What if I have no capacity to love left inside me? I'm torn to pieces with anxiety over this subject and my first reaction is usually to change the subject if it comes up. Flirting is very uncomfortable for me.
I'm sure there are questions. I will try to anticipate a couple of them.
Why haven't you tried a singles bar or other such similar place where people go for that sort of thing? Did I mention that I'm very shy? Especially when it comes to women.
Did you know that there are women that you can pay to be nice to your penis? Yes, but I'm afraid of getting arrested for trying.
Don't you feel that biological drive to procreate? To sow your seed and reap children? Sure. It comes and goes, but I am not all that fired up to be a father. I can barely take care of myself sometimes.
If you have a question I haven't covered here, go ahead and post it in the comments. I will answer any reasonable question asked in honest curiosity.
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